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Tinymutiny settled back into her nest at the back of the warriors den. Oakshade's scent was long gone, but she stubbornly clung to the overly large nest that they had once shared. THe moss had been replaced, and the sticks that held the fresh moss still smelled of charcoal from the fire. She refused to allow anyone to change it out, resulting in the other nests around hers being moved. After her outburst at the mate choosing ceremony, she had been escorted back to camp and left alone once again.
Tears slid down her face, burrying her nose in the moss that she had piled an excessive amount of in the center of the nest to try and replicate Oakshade's form. When he was alive she would always sleep curled up in the crook of his belly, or with her head on his chest and the rest of her body resting on his stomach. The moss only helped so much though, and most of her nights were sleepless. JadieNova
As easy as it would be for Valleyrose to clean out the nest while Tinymutiny was away, she'd abstained. It was all she had left that she and Oakshade shared - besides their kittens, of course - and she could't bring herself to take it away from her mother, no matter how filthy it was. The only cat who should make that decision was Tinymutiny herself.
"Hey mom..." She said tentatively, brushing her cheek against Tinymutiny's, "Rise and shine! Bloodystar is planning some sort of party at sunhigh and requested formal paint. Want to get ready with me?"
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Mar 13, 2021 21:27:41 GMT -5
"I'm not going" she replied stubbornly not budging from where she laid or even opening her eyes that were puffy and swollen. Valleyrose was one of a very select few cats that even tried to communicate with her any more. Others were to afraid of being hurt, and it wasn't an unfounded fear. She had killed before she was placed on the heavy medications, and even now she had violent tendencies that were... unpredictable.
Her claws dug into the soft moss... Oakshade... He should be here, going to these things with her. It was their anniversary and she had never felt more alone.
We need an authority figure... heck I am an authority figure // Springclan Deputy
1,189 posts
Post by Nova on Mar 13, 2021 21:37:44 GMT -5
Snakebounce had hovered outside the warrior's den, watching as his sister tried to get his mother to move. The tom hadn't wanted to say anything. The last time he did, his sister had been attacked right before she was able to convince the tom she had a crush on that she... well had a crush on him. The tabby only shook his head. Of course, she wouldn't go. Snakebounce wondered what his dad would do. He racked his brain, trying to remember... but Snakebounce was worried it might just set his mother off again.
"...Hey mom... When was the last time you ate?" He asked insteas
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Mar 13, 2021 21:42:34 GMT -5
When had she ate last?
The question should have been easy to answer, but she didn't know the answer to it. Food was one of the farthest things from her mind, as was keeping her pelt in order. If she had been a long furred cat it would have been covered in knots, but for no it just had tufts of loose fur clinging to her dull coat. Even her golden eyes were turning into more of a pale yellow.
She didn't answer his question, instead deflecting it "I'll eat when I am hungry"
Valleyrose began to sigh but stopped herself. She was a very patient she-cat just like her father, but even she had her limits. The closer they got to the romance festival, the further away Tinymutiny seemed to drift away.
"Food... yes, great idea, Snakebounce. Let's get something to eat, shall we? I caught a nice plump rabbit on my last patrol, I bet it's still at the fresh-kill pile."
We need an authority figure... heck I am an authority figure // Springclan Deputy
1,189 posts
Post by Nova on Mar 13, 2021 22:06:38 GMT -5
"Maybe we can eat it in here? Together? It's... been a while since we all ate together." Snakebounce said. "A rabbit huh? I'll see if it's on the fresh-kill pile. Maybe we use the fur too? Line your nest with it, mom. How does that sound?" The tom questioned before he made his way to the pile of fresh-kill. Valleyrose's rabbit had been right at the top, and the small tom had snatched it quickly before anyone else had a chance at it.
He quickly brought it inside the warrior's den, inching closer to his mother and sister. Snakebounce slowly lowered the rabbit in front of his mother before taking a step back. "Hey, maybe we can dye its fur too. Add some color to the nest and make it pop!"
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Mar 13, 2021 23:00:55 GMT -5
Tinymutiny didn’t even lift her head up as they rentered the den and placed the rabbit before her in the nest “You go ahead” she replied, not even moving her head upwards. She was to lost in her own thoughts to even think about food. Her eyes clouded over before she closed them.
We need an authority figure... heck I am an authority figure // Springclan Deputy
1,189 posts
Post by Nova on Mar 14, 2021 12:01:22 GMT -5
There had been no change to Snakebounce as he watched his mother. Perhaps there was just the smallest of hints of anger gleaming in his yellow eyes. Did she really not care about her kits anymore? Didn't they lose Oakshade too? Weren't they just as affected by it? Was she really so willing to abandon them and make them orphans? His claws slid in and out of their sheaths, creating divets in the dirt. Was he just being selfish for wanting his mother back? The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself.
"We lost him too..." He muttered, half growling as he stared at her blankly. "He wasn't just your mate... he was our father too... and we lost him... we miss him too... What is it going to take for you to come back to us...?"
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Mar 16, 2021 20:51:28 GMT -5
Snakebounce's words fell on deaf ears, Tinymutiny's mind already far away. Remembering how he would always bring her back food that he had caught. With him around she had never had to grow hungry... Why had she wasted so much time trying to push him away? Why hadn't she just accepted him love earlier, allowed him into her heart when had first come to SunClan. She wanted to go back re-do it again, to make the most of the time that they had together.
"You sound just like him..." she murmmered quietly after a few moments, but the sadness in her voice was impossible to miss "He should be here... We were supposed to be together, we were meant to be together. I should have never pushed him away, if I had just said yes..."she broke into a sob "You two just don't understand the pain... It would have been easier to have all my paws and tail cut away, than to loose him. He was your father, but he was more than just my mate. He was my other half... Without him... I'm nothing..."
We need an authority figure... heck I am an authority figure // Springclan Deputy
1,189 posts
Post by Nova on Mar 17, 2021 16:38:01 GMT -5
"Dad isn't gone, not really..." He said, glancing up at Valleyrose. "We... all of us... we're a part of him too... he still lives on in us. Everything he was... everything he taught us. Even the way we talk or act. He's still here in someway or another... even if it's not physical." Snakebounce lifted his paw up to quickly wipe away his own tears before he glanced back down towards Tinymutiny.
"But we do understand the pain..." The tabby said, struggling to keep his tone level as he looked away from her. "To watch someone dear to you slip away... slowly, irrevocably... triggered at the smallest of things... to watch them become a stranger...!" Snakebounce choked on his words as his body shook. This was his mother. His only mother. The one that played with them and told them stories before bed. His mother, who would scold them and teach them right from wrong. Now she was just a stranger. His mother wouldn't have attacked her own kit just for chasing after someone they liked. Snakebounce no longer knew who this cat before him was.
"Snakebounce... Mom..." Valleyrose hated how dark this conversation was going, granted it was one that was a long time coming. She sighed and nosed the rabbit toward Tinymutiny, "Snakebounce is right. Oakshade lives on in our blood, our memories and in the Isle. Don't forget that we are guaranteed an afterlife and will be reunited someday. For him it was painfully too soon, but we all still have long lives left to live. Lives that he probably watches from the Isle full of worry and concern because you aren't holding your head up high anymore. Let's give him a reason to smile, OK? We should eat and remember him, then clean out this old nest and start anew."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Apr 25, 2021 17:26:45 GMT -5
Tinymutiny looked sad and defeated, even with her kits comforting words. "He's gone..." her words barely more than a whisper. She didn't believe it, not with the remnants of his body still in MoonClan, how would his soul ever find rest? Her paws rubbed at her red eyes, stinging and sore. She thought back to how he would press his head to her chest and listen to her heart beating, and how she would slow down it's rhythm until he was satisfied that she had calmed down. The longer she lingered in that memory, the more clear her mind had become. The tension in her shoulders relaxing slightly, the foginess in her gaze fading. She had been hiding from facing the truth, from admitting to herself that she would have to move on eventually or die wallowing in grief "It hurts" she cried, letting her face fall onto her paws "It hurts more than a snake's venom flowing through my veins, than any battle wound, even giving birth to you" it was a unrelenting pain that she couldn't escape, as it seeped into every crevice of her being "I'm no not strong enough to do this alone"
We need an authority figure... heck I am an authority figure // Springclan Deputy
1,189 posts
Post by Nova on May 1, 2021 11:32:51 GMT -5
Snakebounce looked over at Valleyrose briefly before glancing down at his mother. The little tom shifted closer Tinymutiny, laying down near her and gently nosing her cheek. "Mom... you don't have to do this alone...you still have us... me... Valleyrose and Magnoliablush... all of us." He whispered.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on May 1, 2021 15:37:52 GMT -5
Instead of pushing him away, she leaned in closer. Letting her weary muzzle rest in her son's fur with her eyes closed. It was one of the few times that she allowed them to get this close to her "I can't give up on him... He wasn't just my mate, her is my soulmate. The day he died, part of me died along side of him" she sobbed quietly, but seemed to be settling down and less agitated than before "Every thing here reminds me of him, it triggers memories so strong I don't know if im the present or the past.I wanted this to just be a nightmare that I would wake up from. That when I open my eyes he ill be right back here at my side once more. But hes dead, hes not coming back... I know you need me to, butI can't let go. I can' let go of the last shred of hope that one day i'll wake up from this. Without it, I might as well be dead"
"Oh mama..." Tears were in Valleyrose's eyes. It was killing her to see her mother hurt so much, but that wasn't the only thing, no, it was the fact that she was one again confronting the gaping hole in her heart left when Oakshade died. It wasn't fair that his life was cut so short. It wasn't fair that even now her memory of him was fading. It wasn't fair that their family had to be put through so much strife. But it was reality, and they had to live it. The beautiful calico she-cat rubbed her cheek against Tinymutiny's, mixing the two she-cat's tears, and said, "I'm not asking you to let go of him or forget him. All I want is for you to move forward and for these memories to bring a smile to your face someday, not tears. It's hard and it'll seem like there's no end in sight, but... it'll come. Mama, please just try."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on May 16, 2021 16:42:36 GMT -5
"I am trying" she sobbed, just letting her daughter rub against her face "I don't even want to wake up any more. When I'm asleep I can still be with Oakshade, even if hes not really there. When I'm asleep I don't hurt so much, but I still get up every day because of you two" It may not have seemed like much, but for her just simply getting out of bed was hard enough
"Are we not enough? Me, Snakebounce, the rest of us?" Valleyrose didn't want to say that, but she wasn't sure if there was an easier way to make her point. There likely was not, "We will never replace Oakshade. No one will. But... can't we bring light to your life like he did? Aren't we a dozen reasons to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face?"
Tears were in her eyes, overflowing slightly but she wasn't full on sobbing, not yet. She was trying to be strong but what she was saying was painful to hear even for herself. She hoped Tinymutiny would understand, but she wasn't very optimistic...
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on May 22, 2021 17:39:05 GMT -5
"You are perfect... all of you. Your not the problem, its me" she was trembling "If you two hadn't been by my side, I would have have given in long ago" every time she got lost in her maze of thoughts it was always one of her children that managed to bring her back to reality, as harsh as it was "Your the reason i keep coming back, even though it would be easier to let go..."
Valleyrose opted to say nothing and just wrapped herself tightly around Tinymutiny. She nuzzled her face into her mother's shoulder, smearing each others body paint, but she didn't care. She needed this. She thought her mother needed this, too.
Sun God, she prayed, tears streaming down her face, Please guide my mother to happiness.
(I think this is a good place to end this, unless either of you have more ideas?)
