I am so anxious about becoming a mom in March. When I grew up, I didn't have any younger siblings or cousins to learn how to take care of a young kid. I know that my boyfriend has a lot of that type of experience and he can help me learn.

At the same time, I am also concerned about myself. I never had an interest in becoming a mom. I don't even like children. I am just hoping that my instincts will over ride my personality. And if I only like my kid and no one else's, that should be good, I think.

I feel like I don't have a choice this time. Like I must have this kid even if I don't want it. My mom is 92, my dad 75 and recently diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I am their last chance to actually be grandparents. Their biological children want nothing to do with them and my parents don't have access to their biological grandchildren. I don't want to put my boyfriend through the loss of losing a child again.

I don't know if family life is for me. When I find myself at my most content, I am alone. Sometimes in silence, sometimes with music. Only company being a dog or cat. And once my child is born, I won't have the choice of just 'leaving ' because I am unhappy. Doing my new job as "Mom" automatically puts my child's needs and wants above my own. I only need to put up with it until it's legally an adult, right?

So I totally didn't realize you were ASH/lovelygirl! We've roleplayed a bit before on other sites. Do u remember me (deliЯium from Splashcloud)? I'm glad your father has a diagnosis... I'm sure it's relieving and empowering to know that maybe actions/thoughts/behaviors can be explained by symptoms and now that he has the right information/diagnosis I hope he is feeling validated. I'm happy you're living in a place that can help support your family!

You're already doing a lot by visiting every week! You sound like a kind & supportive daughter. You also sound like an incredibly self-aware and mindful person. Your parents surely see how much you love them and care, and they must really appreciate you.

About your earlier post (congratulations on your up n comin baby!!!) if you ever wanna talk or know anything about babies totally hit me up. Legit with any question. I only have my associates in early childhood but I've been working with infants and toddlers for five years! Plus I have a lot of experience & exposure to pregnant/laboring/post-partum moms... let me know if I can support you in any way!

I didn't know where else to go, or who to talk to about this but I didn't want to flood the discord chat with negativity so I'm posting on here. I'm really struggling right now. My parents can be good people but they are not always good parents. In my opinion, their parenting skills are crap and they should never have had children.

My golden rule for being a parent is to never fight in front of your kids and try your best not to lose your temper when punishing them. However, my parents do not follow that rule and have never followed that rule. I guess it's a golden rule for me because I had to experience it. My parents fought a LOT all my life. Physical and verbal. They've even talked about divorce in front of us. My brother and I used to come up with plans on how to make our family better. We were waaaaaay too young to be trying to fix our parents' relationship. No kid should EVER have to worry about fixing their parents' relationship. And another thing my parents did wrong was stay together for the sake of us kids. Because we continued to witness the fighting. And even to this day my dad is so disrespectful toward my mother. I was even in a VERY toxic and abusive relationship because I thought that was normal and I didn't know my self worth because no one showed me. Your dad is suppose to be the one that shows you how you are suppose to be treated but I never got that from my dad.

A long time ago, my dad and I were close. Super close. I went to him for everything. But he was also away a lot. So when he came home, it was a treat. However, he took a job where he would be able to be home every night and that's when everything changed. He was mean, abusive, and got sick of us kids very quickly. He's said some things to us that has torn us apart. Such things were that he once blamed us kids for his marriage not working out. And then had the audacity to tell us that he wished he would have a heart attack so he could get away from us. Both my parents believed in harsh punishment as well. Using physical harm to punish. I never had a black eye or a purposely broken bone but I had to go to school with a few bruises and knots that I played off as being clumsy.

I forgave my dad and my mom for the things they said and did. Especially after they moved to Florida and we were apart. I missed my family. But then when I came to live with them, it was all hell again. The same old fighting, the same old physical contact. I'm 24 years old and my dad still verbally abuses me. He CONSTANTLY tells me how ungrateful of a child I am. He told me that I shouldn't ever have kids because I would be a bad mother and that if I ever thought about having one, he would intervene. Most likely try to get child services on me any way he can. My sister keeps telling me how bad of a sister I am and that I'm lazy and don't do anything. But the reason she says that is because my parents tell me that whenever they are mad at me. They call me lazy and a slob because by the time I get home from work, I'm exhausted. My dad hadn't physically hurt me for some time until Christmas Eve when he grabbed both my arms and screamed at me. No bruises, luckily, but my arms were red. However, I did punch a dent in the wall which was the reason for the physical reaction but he was disrespecting me and I didn't want to put up with it.

Today, he got angry and started screaming again. My mom said something to him and he got in her face. She said that if he touched her, he would be in a lot of trouble. He walked away and I asked why it is acceptable for him to lay his hands on me but it isn't for her and she blew up on me and started making me out to be the bad guy. Telling me that I'm disrespectful. And I literally just bought them lunch a couple hours ago...

I'm not saying my parents don't love me. That have done a lot for me. They bought a horse for me, bought me things I liked, put me in sports and did good things for me. They never let me be homeless. Always opened their door for me but didn't always like it. I recently had to move back in with my parents after my bf lost his job and when I asked my dad if I could move back in, his exact words were, "I won't leave you homeless but I do not want you to move back." He told me everything is more stressful when I come and live with them. Which, maybe it's true. I have a short temper and I don't let people walk on me. I have a very rebellious spirit and I'm stubborn. But maybe I wouldn't be so miserable if I didn't have to look at my parents and see the disappointment in their eyes every day. I used to be their baby girl. Now I'm a parasite. They constantly tell my brother and sister how proud they are of them but I haven't heard that they were proud of me since I was going to school to be a nurse. That was the last time I ever heard "I'm proud of you" from my parents.

I have to watch and listen to them say it to my siblings all the time. My brother (who is 3 years younger than me) is in the military, already married, has his own place, and is trying for a child. My sister (who is 10 years younger than me) is going against pro bowlers and making tons of money in scholarships. I have nothing. I'm not married, I'm living with mom and dad, I have a dead end job and no career path. I know I shouldn't want my parents' approval but...it's devastating to go from being their favorite to being dropped like a sack of potatoes. I say favorite but it wasn't that I was their favorite, my dad just always chose me to go out and do things with him because I was the only child who would. Now, if he wants to go somewhere, he asks my sister and doesn't even ask me. I would have much rather gone without the affection of my parents than have it and watch it be stripped away. My parents get so annoyed to even hear from me. They never sound happy when they answer a phone call from me or a text. My sister even told me that I called my mom one time while she was with her and my mom turned to my sister and said "ugh, it's your sister again."

I don't know what to do...I've never felt so worthless in my life...my boyfriend hates living with my parents and can't stand the way they treat me...but even his own mother didn't treat me well at first either. She hated me because she was afraid I was going to take her only son and last baby away from her. So she would be extremely verbally abusive and later admitted that she just wanted to see if she could get me to run away so she could have her son to herself. And one of his sister's hates me too. But Brandon told me the reason she hates me so much is because she's jealous of mine and his relationship because she can't find her prince charming.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the problem. I give and give and I'm always nice to everyone but more and more arrows just keep getting added and eventually I'm just going to break...I never wanted to be the broken one. I always wanted to lift people up, help people, be the light in a dark world but my candle just keeps getting blown out and now I'm so close to just being another person in the world and giving up on making it better. Because no matter how hard I try, it's never enough...I go to work, I make people laugh, I brighten their day, I make things easier on them but at the end of the day, I'm exhausted, I'm burned out, torn up from the bad in the world...I can't fix the world but I thought maybe I could make it just a little bit better but even now it's finally getting to me...I have no reason to live anymore. I don't want to end my life but I wouldn't necessarily be upset if my time came soon. Maybe that's why I'm so wreckless, maybe it's not the thrill of living or surviving, maybe it's just that I don't care what happens anymore...

I've never told anyone this before...I was always scolded for putting any family problems out on social media but...Im just lost right now and could really use support because I'm definitely not getting it from my family...my boyfriend is literally my only support but even then I still feel he could do better...

CreativeFyre I'm so sorry. It's really hard when a family member is diagnosed with cancer, and there's really nothing that I can say to make it any better or easier on you. If you ever need someone to talk to, or even just someone to cry to, I will always be here to listen and offer as much comfort as I can.

My mom's being released from the hospital on Monday. It's a huge relief to have a game plan now. We; my spouse and our son, are making the final arrangements today to move in with my parents. Hopefully this means day to day life will be easier and stress free for both my parents.

My mom passed away yesterday, July 5th at approximately 11:30am. 💗😔 I have been aware of her condition, but I still cannot believe that she it gone. I am grateful that I was able to be there her final moments.

CreativeFyre I'm really sorry to hear that, and I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be really difficult for you right now. I'm sure she felt loved by all of you as she passed.

We're always here for you if you want to talk, and if there's anything we can do to help, please let us know.

The doctor is saying that my dad has cancer now, too. I don't know if I can mention the part of the body on the forum. Thankfully depending on how advanced the cancer is, it could be a simple surgery to remove it. Just in the waiting stage now to find if it's spread or not. It's truly been a rollercoaster year. 😔