You're alone, you're on your own, so what?

Have you gone blind?

Have you forgotten what you have and what is yours?

His eyes blinking open to the brightness filtering into warriors' den from the cavern entrance. His pale blue eyes were briefly blinded by the light. He tilted his head up to stare up at the roof of the den. Tracing cracks in the ceiling. He allowed his head to drop onto the softness of the nest. An apprentice had made the nest the next day after he had arrived back in Fallclan. The softness behind the nest made his stomach sour. He knew it was a fake act of kindness. The nest had been placed among the many ledges where the senior warriors made their nests, but was far away from the rest of them that he felt isolated. He knew deep down he didn't belong up there, that he wasn't even close to being the age of a senior warrior. He also knew the reasoning for the placement of the nest was because he was a former leader. He left out a huff as he moved his head to look back at the entrance. 

He had slept past sunrise. Looking down he saw the mostly empty nests. Many of the warriors had already go on border or hunting patrols or were training apprentices. I can't sleep forever the thought echoing in the back of his head.

Why did I come back here??

He pondered the question then closed his eyes wondering if he should go back to sleep. He knew that if he didn't get up soon some apprentice or younger warrior would come bug him. The thought of that caused his muscled to tense and the fur along his spine to prickle. He crawled to his paws and let out a sigh knowing it was pointless. He stretched allowed his joints to pop and crack as he tried to get rid of the stiffness in his back as he leapt down from the safety of his ledge. He carefully walked past the few sleeping warriors in the den. His long legs effortlessly stepping over limbs or tails that were outside the confines of their owner's nest. He walked out of the den and into the clearing where he had stood many many times. His paws felt like lead and his stomach softly growled. He stared at the freshkill pile and he could feel his mouth water at the thought of food, but he wasn't too happy with the idea of so many cats crowded around it. He could see the former deputy Dovecaper standing by the pile. The tom he had snatched the leadership right from underneath his paws. He knew the tom was blind, but could still see shapes and color. He noticed the sightless soft green eyes staring in his direction. 

"Come join me Bi..." Dovecaper called out, the invite dying on his lips as Bijou turned on his paws and padded towards the camp entrance.

Bijou felt like a failure he had left the Clan in the paws of his deputy. As he padded through the entrance he bumped into an apprentice. The apprentice looked like they wanted to make a remark, but a swift glare from the blue eyes caused the apprentice to run away from him. He continued padding past warriors and anyone else until his paws carried him to the Great Oak. He slipped into the burrow below the ancient tree. He sought out the poppy seeds. He knew he was stealing, but he wanted to numb the pain for what he was about to do. Forgive me he silently prayed to whoever was willing to listen. He lapped up two of the tiny seeds. He grabbed a white flower from a pile that were probably set out to dry. He exited the Secret Garden not caring if anyone saw and felt his paws carry him towards the Burial Grounds. Entering the place the forest seem to silence as his paws carried him towards a familiar stone that he had places there moons ago. Setting the white flower ontop of the stone he sat down in front of it.

"Hey Lafayette its me your brother. I don't know if your alive or dead. I tried to find you, but the trail ran cold. If your up there how is Thushstar? I know we didn't spend that much time with him before he past, but is he everything we hoped for in a father? How is our mother Eternalstar? What is she like? Do you two have lots of things to talk about? I miss you a lot. I know we were not that close, but I would go back and change everything if I could. I would try to have acted like your brother and not the cold heartless hound that Cicero trained me to be. After you disappeared I mean't someone- three someones actually. I wish you could have met them actually and not seen them as our enemies. I miss them actually. I think about Ghoulstar, Shadedstar, and Doestar everyday. How I was too weak to keep my family together. Only to run away like a coward." The tom talked out loud staring at the stone in front of him. He felt his eyes begin to become misty. He rapidly blinked hoping to shove the urge to cry away.