He'd been trying to be more open in Summerclan, make it more like home, be a little more comfortable. And for the most part, it was working. He knew his way around, knew the prey and the plants, that certain flowery smell that he adored the most, the way the bees couldn't even sting him beneath his fluff. Though, the heat was unbearable, though even in Springclan it had been the same. His fur was simply too long, and the darkness of it attracted seemed to attract the sun even more, and often it left him struggling to breathe. Good thing leaf-fall was on its way, he supposed, the chilly weather would be a nice change. 

But the one thing that had gotten to him the most was his new clanmates. It was already odd that the former Springclan leader was in their camp, but it was even worse that he'd recently come back to life. His last few days were indeed spent in Summerclan, mourning and grieving for a lost love, but being in Doe's old home had done nothing for him but cause him to deteriorate even faster, wore on him in a way he didn't even know was happening. He hated not being able to recognize anyone, the unfamiliarity, and so when someone knocked into his legs, causing him to jump and lift them away, he almost froze where he stood. 

"Ah, it's alright," he reassured, putting on the best, most polite voice he could, "it is a nice day, so I don't really blame you." And by nice he meant he was boiling alive. He was honestly surprised heatstroke hadn't gotten him yet. Shadedsun stood in silence awkward silence for a moment, before giving a stiff nod and attempting to simply move on, continue on with his day of solitude. Maybe, if Doefreckle wasn't busy they could go for a walk or something, where the conversation flowed a little more naturally. 

He stopped, turning to give her a slightly confused look even if he couldn't actually see much. He supposed it was habit. He'd always been expressive. "Me too," he didn't sit down, didn't make himself comfortable, it was just a simple question after all, no need to stay longer than a few minutes. Hopefully. 

"Well," he paused, thinking for a moment. He remembered that night at the gathering so clearly, the way Doe had tripped over himself, how Shadedsun had been slightly relieved it wasn't him even though he did feel bad. Two new leaders, both woefully unprepared. "it's complicated, I guess." There was a million different ways they knew each other. Friends. Lovers. Memories. And he supposed it wasn't that complicated at all, but some of the memories were fuzzy and he was trying to let go of the past as much as possible, hated how it ate him up inside, and didn't really have the energy to explain it all. 

"But I used to be leader of Springclan just as Doefreckle became leader of Summerclan, I think. We met at a gathering." They'd continued to meet up afterwards, despite the gatherings, be absorbed into their own worlds for a little while. 

"Welcome back, I think?" He gave a nervous laugh. Should he really be the one to say that, considering how Summerclan wasn't really home. He was only here because he couldn't face Springclan again, and because he finally just wanted a quiet life with Doefreckle. 

"I would say so," it still felt strange considering how young he still felt, though he supposed that came with coming back to life. 

"I'm sorry about that, by the way." He could empathize with her—though he wouldn't consider it a breakup since they were never together in the first place. But the sting of rejection, even if he thought he had done everything right, that everything was perfect, that he felt the same way, still hurt. So, he could understand, even if the memory was faded, something that only occasionally came to mind, drowned out by newer, better ones. 

What brought you here, instead of back to Springclan? A million different things came to mind. He was buried here, had spent his last days and his first days again in Summerclan. It was Doefreckle's home, and he wanted it to feel like his, too. But the thing that kept him away from Springclan most was fear, he would say. Fear that when he crossed the border, he wouldn't recognize anything, everything would be different, unfamiliar, that nobody who knew him would be there to greet him, ask him where he's been. He didn't want to be a stranger in his old home. He was scared of asking where his sisters were and being told they weren't there. So he decided to stay unaware for now. Stayed away from the border, drove thoughts of it away. 

"I liked the change," he said slowly, hesitantly, "but I've wanted to visit, it just feels strange, considering I haven't been there in a while." He sat down, tail flicking absently. "Where were you staying? If you don't mind me asking." 

"Who needs him, right? I mean really," he vaguely gestured towards her, "more his loss than yours." He offered a sympathetic smile instead. He meant it genuinely; Rosethorn sounded quite nice, there was a note to her voice that made her sound more confident, made her come off as intelligent yet friendly. Despite his initial reaction, she didn't seem too bad of company. 

Shadedsun stretched his front legs out as he settled onto his stomach, "I think I'll stay, don't know if I'm ready to go back yet," he admitted, but his words were almost dismissive. It was strange, having to flip my sleep schedule to be nocturnal. He let out a a breathy sort of snort, halfway too a laugh but not quite there yet, "I'd imagine. I'm still not used to the heat here, but I guess that's a little different." 

"Oh, it's Shadedsun, by the way! Forgot to, uh, mention that," he chuckled. 

He enjoyed her confidence, and though he had been unsure before, he liked how he didn't feel so strung up around her. Shadedsun. It's a pleasure, and he smiled, hummed in acknowledgement. 

"I was," a hint of pride; despite how reluctant he was to even look at their border, a part of it would always be his home. "I guess it depended where you were—we got a bit less sun, plus there were so many streams and rivers that, even if you weren't swimming, you always felt the coolness." He remembered, as an apprentice, daring each other to get close to the river, to stand on the algae covered rocks despite the danger. He'd never been able to, the stories of cats being swept away a bit too scary for him. There was a tug, a familiar one, that told him to go there, just one visit, but he decided to push it away. 

"Anything about you? I mean—uh, tell me about yourself," Shadedsun offered instead, a tad sheepishly. God, he hadn't participated in small talk in forever, inwardly he cringed at himself. 

Any family here or back in Springclan? "Uh—I'm not sure. I had. . ." would have be the better option? Maybe it was just his anxiety that gave him that little gut feeling, that dreadfulness that whenever he visited Springclan next they wouldn't be there, "two sisters, in Springclan. I'm not sure how they are," he gave an awkward, humorless laugh. "Oh, and I have, uh, a daughter. I heard she's in Winterclan, I think." He was sounding worse by the second. As he spoke of Lily, Shaded felt a small pang of grief, for her and her lost siblings. He'd helped find her, that one night, to name her moments later. He really hoped she was well, and maybe Shaded should just get over his fears and go find her, talk to her, be an actual father. 

"Doefreckle is helping me try to feel at home here." He got to his paws, trying to shake the slight uncomfortableness off like it was just dust and debris. "Sometimes camp gets a bit crowded, you up for a walk or something?" He invited, nodding towards the exit, "I'm still trying to get used to the territory, though, so I take no liability if we get lost or something." He added a playful tone to his voice, immediately trying to ease any tension he may have caused. Really, it was stupid to dwell on the past, because he was here now and he was going to heal and get over it. 

He nodded softly, for no particular reason other than to give her some confirmation that he’d been listening, even if he didn’t really have anything to say. Words had been difficult to come by since he came back to life, and the only cat he’s been able to speak freely, without forcing it, had been Doefreckle. He ducked out of camp, stopping briefly to pick a twig out of his pelt. He was going to go North, towards the sprawling meadows, the sweet smelling flowers, everything that was nice and beautiful about Summerclan, but something told him no, as if he had a better place in mind. Except he didn’t, not really. He paused for a moment, turned south, slightly towards the east. 

“Someone special?” He laughed, light and airy. What a youthful question. “Me and Doe. . .” He trailed off, unsure of how to really say it, because there wasn’t really anything between them, but there was still everything, “It’s complicated.” He said simply, “We adopted our daughter together, but you can’t quite keep him down,” it was said with fondness, a slight sense of longing because of course he was still in love, he couldn’t imagine ever not being, but it was something he’d learned to accept, appreciate even; he wasn’t quite sure if they would have worked anyway. 

He wasn’t quite sure where he was leading them—well, he did, he simply didn’t know why. It was the last clear moments before his death, the way he left camp in a rush, towards the thunderpath. 

"New?" He hadn't really, he had believed for so long that Doe was the right one, the only one for him, but with his new acceptance of the fact that, despite their love for each other, it would never really work like that, he realized that maybe he was open to the idea. You do deserve someone who wants you the same way you want them, you know. It was funny, the fact that they both felt the same way about each other, that he did want Shadedsun the way he wanted Doe, but it was complicated and messy and made sense all the same. 

"Thank you. I could say the same for yourself?" The smell in the air changed. Less wildflowers and open fields and more smoky, disturbed, metallic. The thunderpath was near, a stretch beyond, and everything beyond that was territory he was unfamiliar with. The edges were lined with stones and pebbles of various sizes, some chips from the road itself, others there naturally. He couldn't see where he was, but the stones helped him figure out where to stop. He had missed that his first time around. 

"I find them interesting—you know, Doefreckle told me once that they used to have these big horses come along. Haven't seem them myself." A very sudden conversation change, he nodded towards the road. It wasn't a busy thing, cars only passing occasionally, mostly in the summertime. Shadedsun kicked a stone onto the path.

He laughed, thought about saying something along the lines of 'screw him' or something, but before he could speak the sound of a speeding monster rattled by, sending dust and pebbles up, leaving the horrible smell of gasoline behind. The road wasn't a very busy one — it was a wonder how both he and Doe were on it at the very worst times. 

You seemed to gravitate in this direction. "Have I?" Like he was oblivious. Shadedsun almost didn't say anything about it, about dying, about coming back even after giving up all his leader lives. Instead, he listened carefully for any upcoming cars, and after a moment of silence, wandered onto the thunderpath, hesitating before letting his paws essentially guide him, before coming to a stop on a rather weathered part just a few steps ahead. 

"Well, It could be because I died here." He spoke like it was a nonchalant thing, moving quickly off the road. "Or," he listened again, backing up as if trying to get the whole landscape, moving to a spot just south of where he previously was on the road, "because Doefreckle died right here. Roughly. Quite poetic." He couldn't bring himself to be scared of it. Really, it was quite peaceful, despite the smell. It wasn't as big as Springclan's, not as busy either. He moved off, settling beside Rosethorn again and giving her a soft smile. Maybe he shouldn't be trauma-dumping on this poor she-cat, it could have stayed as thing just between him and Doe, though she gave that welcoming sort of air, like he could tell her almost anything and it wouldn't be too much of a fuss. He hoped his tone gave off that he was more relaxed than he probably should be, talking about his previous death and all. 

"Sorry — we could go somewhere else, if you'd like. I don't mind where."