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The time of day was night far after many warriors had been done with their duties. Whether they were hoping to find romance, flings, someone to have kits with, or are already disappointed by the turn out and want to go home the two were there and now it was time for conversations to fly. They only had 10 minutes and three partners to choose from so it’s best to ask and answer all the right questions to get to know the other.
Each speed round had a separate area for the two cats to talk. This particular speed round was inside of a den that appeared to be butterfly themed. The floor of the den was blanketed in a rainbow spread of wildflowers. Butterflies fluttered in and about from the flowers to the den walls. The butterflies seemed especially friendly to the two cats in the room.
It was just his luck that he got paired with a Primal Instinct cat.
Y'know.
The group that murdered his kits.
This one didn't even look like he'd hurt him— no, he wasn't doing that anymore.
Doefreckle didn't bother being sweet and bubbly; he just lay on his side in the den, absently rolling a mossy stone under his good paw and watching the other tom with a grumpy, sulky sideward glance. They only had ten minutes - maybe it would go quickly and Doe could limp-scuttle past him at the end of it with a fake smile and some polite sentiment about seeing him next time. 'Call me,' he'd say, metaphorically, with a blinding smile and kiss me eyes, and then hum cheerfully to himself when the phone rang and rang and rang while he was doing the dishes... Even the spread of wildflowers didn't lift his mood; frankly, much as he loved flowers, at that moment he feared they were giving him allergies. Or maybe he was just being childish and finding fault with everything. Could have been either.
A blue butterfly landed between Doe's ears; he looked up at it, going cross-eyed. He wanted to smile. He didn't. He was supposed to be in a bad mood. Cats in bad moods didn't smile at tickly butterflies, no matter how cute they were. "Soo," he said at last, his voice soft and bright and slightly higher pitched than the average tom's. He rolled the mossy stone over to the pale silver League cat. Doe had to admit he was quite pretty. And Doefreckle, as we all know, was shameless. "Committed any nice murders lately? Or would you prefer to talk about the weather? I hear there's supposed to be a meteor shower later."
Hywel didn't really know what to expect; whatever this sort of 'speed dating' thing was, it wasn't something he usually did. It wasn't like he wasn't the type for a fling–his 'wham bam thank you ma'am' attitude had pissed his sister off plenty as they traveled out of the highlands. Now? This was the complete opposite; for some reason, it was Rhiannon who had signed him up for something saying he probably needed a break from chatting up creepy cats with red eyes who happened to know about the loch. Apparently, she needed a break from 'watching over his lazy ass' whatever that meant.
So here he was, in a den with a cat that looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here. Huh, seems like he wasn't the only one signed up for something perhaps against his will. There was something kind of cute about the other cat, the way the butterfly landed on him and he had immediately gone cross-eyed to get a better look. It was...cute. Nothing like the first question that came out of the cat's mouth. Right. Of course.
"Just so happens, no, I haven't, thank you very much," he replied with a snort. In fact, he was actively trying to solve a murder, and hoping it wasn't his sister or something that had done it. "Is that a normal question you ask on a first date or is it because I'm from Primal Instinct? We're not all our reputation, you know, and if it helps, I'm not originally from there."
It wasn't like his old home was any better, but he was going to conveniently leave that out. "I thought SummerClan cats were supposed to be more...I don't know, optimistic or something." Well that wasn't going to get them into any other conversation; one of them being grumpy was awkward enough without Hywel mirroring the same attitude.
Have you ever seen a meteor shower before?" he asked offhandedly, "didn't think there'd be anywhere around this forest where the sky was actually visible, to be honest. Did you grow up around here or did you come from afar?"
Doe had never been good at holding a grudge. He tried to, actively, especially recently - he was in the process of trying to hold a grudge against Ratstar, despite how insufferably likeable the tom was; he'd tried for the last three years to hold a grudge against Funk, and since his death he was trying even harder, because his natural reaction was to be saddened by the news and cast the past in a rosy haze. He wanted to be mean... He just wasn't very good at it. In bursts, yes - he could be cruel, could be vindictive, could be nasty; despite all the softness and the sunshine there was too much vanity in him to be anything but a little bit of a narcissist.
But now, with the tom's casual response and his attempt at nice conversation, Doe found his resolve melting. He held onto his grumpy look for a few moments longer, just on principle - then visibly relaxed. He let out a breath, face softening. He immediately looked like the tom he truly was, the tom he'd been - gentle, boyish, a sweet-natured chatterbox.
"SummerClan cats might be," he replied, rolling over so he was lying up a little straighter; the butterfly flittered away, drifting in a circle around Hywel's head. Doe let out a soft purr as he watched. "But I'm not one of them by blood. I'm allowed a little wriggle room." Pulling himself to his paws, he limped over to the entrance to the den and sat down, looking up at the stars. "And maybe not here, but back in SummerClan, on the meadows and the hillsides, the sky is incredible. On clear nights you can see the whole of silverpelt, and when the moon is full it's like walking in silver daylight. Even the rabbits and the birds sometimes come out to fly about and forage." He smiled to himself, his voice quiet and a little wistful. Since coming back to life, he didn't take any of that beauty for granted; most nights he stayed up as late as he could, just staring at the sky. To the SummerClan cats, with their territory all they'd ever known, some of the magic was lost on them. But Doe never stopped thanking the world for leading him to it.
"I love the sun as much as any in my Clan, but they don't share my fondness for the night. And my eyes get sore during the day, being NightClan born." He looked over at the other tom, eyes soft. "Where are you from, then, if not the League?"
Hywel was pleasantly surprised that Doefreckle's attitude changed back to a more relaxed one. He found his own shoulders relaxing too, his baby blue eyes brightening at the more easy-going expression on the tom's face. At least he didn't have to completely lead a one-sided conversation; it was his worst fear in a conversation like this, to have to do so with someone who obviously wanted to be anywhere else but here. Nervous and awkward, he could do. A little more casual conversation? Perfect.
Nodding thoughtfully, he found himself following after Doefreckle, lying on his back too. Hywel had always been one to live in the moment rather than look forward to the future. He listened intently at the other tom's description of his clan's territory, his eyes first trained to the stars, before turning to the other cat, intently engaged in the way he spoke, of the silver stars and the hillsides...gods, it made his chest ache for a feeling of kithood he had never had. There was a time when he had loved the stars so deeply and the way they gleamed up in the moors, but he had grown up all too quickly and the stars became nothing more but a background to the small lives they had led.
"SummerClan sounds lovely," he spoke wistfully, before giving him a small chuckle, "I'm from...beyond the clans. I lived up north, in the highlands once. A couple moons' journey to get here, I suppose. There was a loch up there, so wide and deep they said the monsters of the ancient world still dwell in it. Our legends were different from the stories they tell here, we were living in the land where the gods once hunted, where the green one still lives."
His voice was hushed, as if speaking of something that should've been kept a secret. "But the stars–! They felt like you could reach out and touch them. The moon felt bigger up there, with nothing to cover the sky but heathers and rolling hills...then the forests by the loch, they were full of life, and on the nights when the sky was clear, the loch shone with the same silver the moon did. Sitting by the water felt like you were engulfed by the night sky, as if you could walk through the clouds yourself."
He smiled, before turning to Doefreckle with a chuckle and a shake of his head. "I must sound like I miss it there but...I suppose there were reasons I left the place I was born. You must've had reasons too, no?" He wanted to know why Doefreckle had left the home he had been born too all the same.
As the other tom described his homeland, Doe found himself utterly swept up, his eyes widening and his gaze flitting between staring at Hywel and gazing unseeingly onto the moon-bright landscape beyond the den, imagining everything he was saying. His descriptions of lands unknown and undiscovered by any Clan cat - it was everything he’d ever yearned for, ever since he was a restless, soaring-hearted apprentice hungering for the whole world and straining at the leash.
His smile and eyes brightened impossibly, his tail wagging like a dog’s against the flower-covered ground; he didn’t try to contain it, kit-like excitement bubbling out of him like sunshine. He forgot he was supposed to be on a date, forgot every mental note he’d ever made about what toms did and didn’t like - he was just amazed, smitten with Hywel’s story and eager beyond words to know more. He wanted to ask a thousand, thousand questions, wanted to know everything, wanted to know every detail of these Highlands until he could walk them in his mind - no, wanted to go to them. It it weren’t for the loose ties keeping him here, growing looser by the day, he would have begged him to take him there right that second - the Clans be damned. His kits be damned. All of it. Different gods, different cultures, cats that had never known him…
It was almost tragic, how excitedly Doe yearned for anything new, anything that wasn’t… this. Any life that wasn’t his own. He was just a lost kit. His eyes only brightened - truly, honestly, whole-heartedly brightened - when he was dreaming of things he’d never have.
“I’m Doefreckle,” he said breathlessly, surging slightly closer. “Formerly Doestar, but that’s a story for another time.” The other tom’s question caught up to him, shouldering its way through that old, familiar haze that had clouded his mind. He did a tiny double-take, barely stopping himself from letting slip an audible ‘pardon?’ “Oh! Uh - yes, certain reasons. None as dramatic as yours, I’m sure.” Depending on the kind of cat you were, Doe’s tone could be taken as submissive fawning - or semi-detached charisma, the sort of charm that was both innocent and accidental, and entirely performative. Even Doe didn’t know which it was half the time. Right now, though, his voice had slipped into the slightly upper-class accent he sometimes affected, a little removed from the warm colloquialisms he used most often.
“I always had a soul that wasn’t happy with one Clan’s borders. Even when I was in the nursery I used to try to escape it.” He let out a soft little laugh, halfway between a puff of air and a giggle. “My mother lamented it terribly. So, finally, when I was a new warrior, I left. I spent a few moons wandering, just wandering - Twolegplaces, kittypets, rogues, bands of loners.” He didn’t specify what precisely he did with those cats. It wouldn’t paint quite the same romantic nomadic picture, and Doe was all about presenting that rosy life. His eyes were far-off. “And then I joined BrookClan - now destroyed, praise be to whichever gods happen to be listening.” He let out a sardonic little titter, just pleased enough to be nasty. He perked up again a split second later. “After that, I ended up in SummerClan.” He smiled to himself, still half-lost in the other tom’s story. It was a long time since he’d felt so light, even if it was an unhealthy sort of release borne of daydreams and unrealities.
dm me if you want to listen to me ramble about the interstellar soundtrack
2,314 posts
Post by achromatic on Jul 2, 2021 17:56:25 GMT -5
He couldn't help but almost smile at the way the other cat seemed so enraptured by his own story, the same way he had been when his mother spun tales of the great loch and its monsters, of Herne and his hunts, of the sluagh and the dullahan, or the sacred trees and the fae that live among them. It was the same look his sister once had when he repeated those stories in the dead of night as they traveled away from their family home.
There was a softness in his expression, so foreign for a Primal Instinct cat, that just seemed inherently kind. He didn't know Doefreckle at all, but once the reluctance and bitterness melted away, he almost felt like a cat he knew, even though they had never met. "I'm Hywel," he replied with a chuckle, "it's nice to meet you."
The other tom's story made his lips twitch into a smile for a moment. They were all wandering souls, it seemed. He snorted at the tom's sarcastic remark, finding his words both relatable and amusing. "I guess we're both the wandering type then," he mused, "I think I must've passed a bunch of the clans before I settled down around the city. I didn't get to explore much of the forest, but SummerClan sounds like it suits you. At least...you sound happier there than...what was that place called, BrookClan?" There was a teasing tone in his voice.
The tom bit his lip for a moment, before turning to Doefreckle again. "Would you stay in SummerClan?" he asked, tilting his head to the side, "if you could travel around, go back to the places you once were, go anywhere really. Is this the home you've been meaning to find?"
It was just as much a question for Doefreckle as it was a question for himself. He had always been detached from the places he visited, preferring to stay in the now and not think of the future. Part of him had come to terms with the roads being his only friend for the rest of his life, living like a ghost, the land never truly knowing his name. Part of him had shining eyes that still believed in a place called home.
Doe smiled back at Hywel, the smile growing into a toothy, crooked grin at the tease about BrookClan. He let out a hiss of laughter through his teeth. He shoved the other tom's shoulder gently with his own. At his question, Doe let out a quiet hum in his throat and raised his eyes to the starry sky. "I don't know," he replied at last, the words drifting out on the tail end of a sigh. It was the truth. "Before..." He trailed off, forcing a little smile to cover it up; his eyes were still on the stars. "Once, I thought SummerClan was where I was going to spend the rest of my life." It was, wasn't it? A little voice in his head said. The first one, anyway. "When I found it, I was lost. Running away from... well, from everything. Nothing. It all seems so silly now. Insignificant. And then in SummerClan, I found heaven itself. It was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. Still is. For the first time in my life, I was happy there - truly, completely happy. Now..."
He fell silent for a moment, blinking up at the night sky. Pale, wispy clouds had floated in on the gentle breeze, translucent and glowing. "My wandering days are over, I think." That was the truth too, or part of it. Doe hardly knew what the truth was anymore himself. "But so are the days where SummerClan felt like home. Maybe I just need to find that old feeling again. Maybe I just need to relax. I don't know." He smiled to himself, exhaling a quiet laugh. He turned his head to Hywel. "I'm sorry - you didn't come here to listen to someone whine about their meaningless problems. You must be so bored. For what it's worth... I'm glad I got paired with you."
Hywel nodded along to Doefreckle's explanation, smiling as he spoke of SummerClan and this idea of happiness. He could almost live vicariously through the other tom's musings. He had never quite felt that feeling about anywhere. They had passed forests and lakes, mountains and cities, and none of them truly felt like home.
At Doefreckle's apology, he shook his head. "I'm the one asking you the weird questions, it'd be silly of me not to be interested in the answer," he teased, a laugh following quickly behind, "but if you want us to be even, I can whine about all of my meaningless problems to you too."
He smiled, partly to himself and partly to the other tom. "To be honest, I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere," he spoke wistfully, opening up in a rare moment of honesty. Sometimes, it was easier to do so with a stranger than with the cats he knew. "Sometimes it feels like I took a turn on a path when I was younger, when I left my old home with my sister, and the more I walked, the deeper I got, and soon, the only thing I have is a road that's never going to know my name and a destiny that's already set before me."
He smiled, shaking his head and the melancholy that seemed to linger in the words of his little story, before turning to Doefreckle, his blue eyes still soft. "I'm glad I got paired with you too."
A destiny that's already set before me... Doefreckle's eyes misted over with sorrow. He'd never felt like that. He had, briefly, as leader - but even that had been constrained by the knowledge StarClan had forsaken him at the Moon Creek. He'd tried to shake it off, had tried to convince himself it didn't mean anything, that he could forge his own life and leadership with or without StarClan's blessing and guidance; but he'd known. He'd always known. It was coming to an end before it had even had a chance to start. He wanted to feel like he had a destiny, like his paws were being pulled towards the point they were meant to end up, like he had a purpose and a meaning. He wanted that more than anything. Hywel thought it was a burden; Doe thought it was the greatest comfort it was possible to have.
He blinked the sadness away and looked up, a small smile on his face. "Maybe you can tell me all about it some other night," he replied softly, eyes, though gentle and shy, more forthright than his voice. His gaze didn't leave Hywel's; it was an invitation.
Doe doubted he could ever love this tom, not the way he loved Shadedsun, not the way he loved Chim. Completely. Wholly. Perfectly. He was grieving. He was spiralling. He was a mess. Maybe he couldn't even care for him. He couldn't imagine himself caring for anyone ever again. Maybe he was just using him for some vain validation, for some assurance that he was still someone who could be wanted, who could spin pretty words and succeed just like he used to. Flings used to be easy - a pretty smile, a terrible night, and scars and bloody bruises to remember the nameless tom by. Now that he refused to give into those impulses, now that his instincts were all numbed by grief, now that it was just like acting on some painful muscle memory... He tried to churn up some excitement. All he felt was tired. His gaze was soft and his voice was inviting; on the inside, he just wanted to curl up and fade into some grey, empty unconsciousness. He wanted Chim. He wanted Shadedsun. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted. He was surprised he could want anything at all anymore, through the weight in his chest and all that mourning.
But Hywel was here. And he was kind, and he had stories of far-off places, and his eyes were beautiful. And he seemed to want him. For now, it was enough.
There was nothing but a smile on Hywel's face and a nod at the invitation the tom offered. It was almost ironic, how they had started the night as two cats who wanted to be anywhere else but here, and now they almost seemed...friends? He didn't know if this was the right word, but there was an unspoken kinship there. Perhaps a similar melancholy, perhaps some sort of connection of a troubled past...Hywel didn't know why but he almost wanted to impress the other cat somehow. He had rarely felt this way with anyone; his words were often just snark and flirty phrases, changing his pelt like a chameleon to whatever others wanted him to be.
In a way, he had spent so much time, adjusting his own desires and goals to those around him–particularly his sister's–that he barely knew what he wanted. He was a cat who lived in the now. Flings, food, travels, everything just happened and he'd go along with it, see where the road took him. Was this the same? Was he simply allowing the path to take him to this cat he had just met, or was he choosing this, taking life by its reins and leading it to water? He could never be sure what he wanted. He could never be sure what he was. All he knew was that there was part of him who genuinely wanted to know this cat who spoke of the world with such fondness and such sadness all the same. There was a question to answer, a problem to solve, a world to see through another's eyes, and he wanted that.
"That sounds like fun," he replied with a smile that wasn't just the type of blinding grin he'd use with his other dates, there was a genuine honesty to it too, "I'll...see you around, Doefreckle."
