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Only for a few days had he been nestled within the heart of Fallclan, a clan seemingly brimming with life despite the season. Two new litters of kits had been brought into the camp, and by the leader and deputy respectfully. Seablossom the only queen available to mind them, but soon she would have her own litter and the orphan kits would be left to their own devices. His own blood once again falling to the wayside. But perhaps hardship ran in their genes, perhaps it was so tightly woven withing the tapestry of their fate they would never be able to truly escape it. Bony elbows folded as he crouched deeper, watching with shrewd eyes the activities happening around him. This world he was carefully working to fold himself within was a mysterious creature; one he had never encountered before and didn't know how to fight. It held a warmth and community to it that he disliked for it's unfamiliarity. That sent his skin crawling and senses into overdrive as he second guessed the intentions of those around him. As he doubted every smile and saw a mocking cheshire grin in its place.
He would dig his claws deep into the earth, scoring deep marks as he rooted himself into place. Determined to carve a place for himself among these cats, to force himself among their numbers and keep a place that would let him be known and unforgotten. Desperately, feverishly needing to be able to approach his kits, to see them grow. He could not do that as a forgotten face among Fallclan's numbers. There were possible ties to be forged, ties that would interconnect and let him keep weak tethers on his children. To see them and know them but not been seen and known in return. Suspendedillusion would not fail in this, would not fail his kits as he failed their mother.
A stumbling apprentice knocking into his fragile frame wrenched him from his thoughts. Eyes flashing with repressed impulse for retaliation, showing only in the tightening of his features as he bite down on a vicious hiss. "Sorry, sorry!" The young one called as they rushed off once more and he simply watched them go. Murmuring a quiet "be careful" to their retreating back.
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Feb 12, 2020 23:27:55 GMT -5
{ { is it okay if I jump in? } }
Palestep heard the hiss and the contrite apology following it, but couldn't make out who the fuzzy shapes were. The calico she-cat blinked her milky olive eyes hard, then sighed when her vision didn't clear. It hadn't for a while, not since kithood, but the habit of trying stuck with her. She scented the air in hopes of figuring out who the confrontation included, but caught the almost acrid scent of outsider. She jolted, then relaxed. There, amidst the strangs hints of outside, were the warm, familiar notes of FallClan. So he was a new member of their family, hm?
This decided her actions for her. Palestep stood and slowly made her way towards this new tom, careful to move her paws lightly so that if she stepped on somebody it wouldn't be with all of her weight. For once she was glad that her hind paws followed her front pawsteps, meaning she had only half of the chance of stepping on someone. "Um," she mewed, coming just close enough that the tom's fuzzy shape gained some clarity, "Good morning. I'm Palestep. I can tell you're new. I have to apologize for whoever that was - the camp is busy this time of year with everyone trying to do their best to keep us fed and sheltered. What's your name?"
The gaunt tom looked towards the other, eyes being taken by the milkiness of her olive eyes before he managed to note anything else about her. Disabilites such as those were still foreign to him, having previously lived a life where such burdens could never be survived with. If a cat was cursed enough to have any impairment of any kind, rather born with it or earned in a fight, they were quickly shunned and left with no choice but to disappear. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised, of-course a clan of cats wouldn't reject one of their own number. Realizing that perhaps the silence had lasted to long he cleared he throat and shook himself a bit. "I'm Suspendedillusion." He replied soft-spoken as ever.
"What is your name?" Politeness dictated he asked, but he also was curious to know. Oddly fascinated by this pale milky eyed cat. "And please, no need to apologize for another. It was perhaps half of my own fault as well, I was zoning out and should have perhaps paid better attention to thus avoid them." Suspendedillusion did not believe the words as he spoke them, but he was trying to seem as nonthreatening as possible while he was among these borders.
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Feb 17, 2020 23:50:32 GMT -5
{ { ty! ♥ } }
Palestep flushed when she noticed him staring in that silence that lasted just a beat too long for comfort. Clearly, he hadn't know of her disability and was scrambling to come up with some response to it. Feeling the heat rise in her cheeks, the she-cat replied quietly, "I'm Palestep. Born and bred here, actually. It's good to meet you, Suspendedillusion. I hope you're finding FallClan to your liking - apart from apprentices running you over, that is?"
She chuckled softly at this, shaking her head ruefully. Even those young cats lucky enough to have their vision seemed to avoid using whenever possible, choosing to run headlong into trouble rather than assess their situations first. Raising her eyes, she tried to read his features, clear as they were at this distance. Only when she was a tail-length or farther did her vision turn to swirls entirely, but at this nearness she could easily make out his stare.
"It is very, welcoming" He deiced on, shoulders rolling as she considered the question a little further in his thoughts. "I am almost comforted by the apprentices running into me. Something tells me if I was mistrusted they wouldn't forget about me enough to do that." He leaned back a little, no longer so entrapped by her different features. Having them committed to memory, but he considered the possibility of perhaps asking Amberpaw of her later.
"Of-course I'm sure there is still much I have to get used to," Suspendedillusion laughed softly, eyes unwittingly traveling towards the nursery. Sometimes it still hurt to see his blossoms buds, and to know he would never be in their lives as a father. Other times it was a relief that helped him remember how to brief in his seemingly ever crushing grief. This back and forth was also part of the reason he was so torn on how to feel of his new home. "I've never had others welcome me like this before, it is at times... overwhelming." He added glancing back at her.
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Feb 24, 2020 21:26:45 GMT -5
{ { it's all good! ♥ } }
"I can only imagine," replied Palestep absently, her thoughts drifting. He kept glancing back at the nursery, but she knew little of the tom. He must have a mate or kits in there to be so concerned with the den, she decided. Turning back to him, she asked, "Do you have family with you here? I wasn't aware of your joining so I'm afraid I don't know any of your story at all." She didn't consider her question prying, but was also terribly sheltered by her life in FallClan, leaving her unaware of the pain a cat can go through for their family.
The calico she-cat blinked her eyes hard, wishing not for the first time she could see just a little more clearly. When, of course, it didn't help her wavering vision, she instead closed her eyes entirely, preferring the darkness to the half-visible light. She didn't do this to ignore the tom, but simply didn't realize it might offend.
He stared at her closed as for a moment in quiet soft confusion, puzzling over it for a brief opportunity to distract himself from her question. But Suspenedillusion knew avoiding the question all together would be worse than answering. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to tell the well meaning she-cat the truth anyway. "Ah, no, no family. I just have a patient in the nursery right now. A young kit that unfortunately wandered out of camp and suffered a rather horrible accident." He admitted, which wasn't wrong or a lie in his thoughts.
"He is stable and insisted he wanted to go back to the nursery and I thought it would delay is own healing keeping him locked up away from the other kits. So I released him this morning but I can't help but worry he'll aggravate his injury." He shared more than he might normally but she didn't seem the type to abuse the knowledge, and it would likely spread around camp soon enough anyway.
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Feb 29, 2020 20:39:08 GMT -5
"Ah..." she murmured, watching the colors pop across her vision as it often did when her eyes were closed. After losing most of her vision, these were some of the brightest and most vivid colors she could actually see. "I'm sorry to hear that. Will he suffer any permanent injuries?" Her question was asked out of empathy, knowing how hard it is to go from capable of the same feats as your clan-mates to different almost at once. Luckily the tom was only a kit and might not remember what he was missing, but still.
She cracked her eyes to try and read his expression. Since he had become their new medicine cat, Palestep had toyed with the idea of asking him to look at her eyes. Their last medicine cat had suggested willow drops daily, but they didn't seem to do much and only made it clearer to her clanmates that she was different when she had to go into the medicine cat den every evening.
"Ah he will suffer no last disabilities, other than a tightness in the affected areas." Suspendedillusion responded with a slight hum, thinking back towards the horrible burns Firekit had suffered in his misguided excursion with Fabledkit. He didn't bother to mention the new regime the kit would have to follow on his own when Suspendedillusion trusted him to see it through correctly. To help try and keep it healing and supple so it wouldn't prevent normal movements. He could not speak towards the mental scarring the situation had likely caused the kit, as that was not his area and if he was worried about it he would send Firekit to someone else, Amberpaw could deal with it perhaps.
"He was rather fortunate actually, twolegs might have contributed to his injury, but they also helped end it faster." He added, trying to be vague as he was not sure how much of the story would be revealed through the rumor mill. He only knew of the kit getting water dumped on him due to the fact he was one of the first rushed out to them when they finally managed to get help for themselves. Not that Fabledkit had needed it, only Firekit having suffered in the adventure she had dragged them on.
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Mar 5, 2020 22:28:10 GMT -5
"I'm relieved," mewed Palestep with a small sigh. Still, his words carried pain in them and she worried about what remained unspoken. "Two-legs, though? I've heard that they're fearsome and not to be bothered. I'm glad they didn't hurt him further." She gave a shutter at the thought, and couldn't hide another worried glance at the nursery. "Is there anything I can do to help? If they need extra moss or something like that for his wounds, I'm more than happy to gather what I can and bring it over."
"Ah I wouldn't say the twolegs were the cause of his injury," He replied rather uncomfortably, thinking of the accusations Firekit snapped at Fabledkit and the resentment that now burned brightly between them. "Don't misunderstand of-course, I also dislike twolegs. But in this instance I would say they were minding their own business and the kits were foolishly messing around where they shouldn't have been." At her offer the medicine cat thought of Firekit's new aversion to others, his flinches when his injuries were mentioned. "I think perhaps the young kit needs more time to come to terms with things. Learn to be comfortable in his skin once more." He wondered if in a few moons he should introduce Palestep and Firekit.
"But that is a kind offer and I will keep your kindness in mind moving forward in the future."
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Apr 3, 2020 22:43:02 GMT -5
"Speaking of being comfortable in your own skin," mewed Palestep slowly, wondering if the segue was appropriate, "How are you faring as the new medicine cat? I know it can be daunting, having so many lives depend on you. Have you been treated well? No one has bothered you about your lineage have they?" Though her clan was one large family, she knew there had been a time in which bloodlines mattered as much as loyalty, and she didn't like the thought of this tom, as kind and gentle as he seemed, being bullied for something so pointless.
Suspendedillusion hummed a slight tinge of amusement to him, the first twinge of it he had felt in a long time. But it was rather amusing to have another actually concerned about something as trivial as him being treated well. "I don't interact much with those outside Hystericplague, Calamitystar, and Amberpaw, so I can't claim to have enough to base an opinion off of. An opinion on whether or now I'm being treated well that is." He admitted with a slight shrug.
'Cause you're a villainous thing / And we can't have you living a lie
635 posts
Post by eventide on Apr 8, 2020 18:45:38 GMT -5
"Oh..." Palestep seemed sad about something he'd said, but didn't give any indication what that might be. After a few beats of silence, she mewed, "Well, I suppose as long as those cats are treating you well, then that's all that matters. But you will let me know if someone is mean, right?" She didn't realize how comical it might seem for a small, half-blind she-cat to be offering to protect a larger, able-bodied tom from bullying; indeed, her expression was most serious. "If you want...you can interact with me more often," she offered with a small smile, the sadness leaving her eyes. "I'll be happy to talk or help you carry herbs. I know what it's like to need a friend sometimes, and I wouldn't mind being yours...if you want, that is."
Suspenedillusion blinked at her, expression flabbergasted as he stared and wondered at her. Friendship was a rather foreign concept to him, his past having jaded him to the idea long ago. Empress having been one of the first cats he ever truly devoted a piece of himself for and that had ended in heartbreak and abandonment. The smokey tom's whole being still ached and crumbled at the mere thought of his ex-mate, the deceased mother of his children that knew nothing of his very existence. Palestep could not be further from what Empress had been though and perhaps it would do him could to be seen interacting with one of the Fallclan warriors, presumably making a friend.
"I will be sure to let you know, I imagine having you in my corner will be a big help all on it's own." He agreed before continuing, "And I think I could use a friend. I have lacked conversation partners recently and I wouldn't mind having you with me while I complete more monotonous tasks throughout the day. If you're free time ends up coinciding with mine that is."
