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Odysseyfright blinked his hazel eyes. The look inside of them was surprisingly tired. He seldom got tired; he was the cat you'd expect to constantly be bouncing up and down the walls. He hadn't slept the night before, though, at least not well. Every once in a while he was plagued with dreams of the old life, the life he had once led. He hadn't been a SummerClan warrior forever, after all. He once lived as a cat who took the time to stop and smell every rose on the road called life. He had settled down in SummerClan about six months ago. The decision hadn't entirely been of his own volition. Odyssey had been quite disappointed when Agora had said he was too weak to travel still. Of course, it had not been a surprise to the brown tom. His best friend and lover had been getting sicker and sicker for the two moons that preceeded the moment when he admitted that he wanted to join a clan. And, of course, when Agora spoke the words, Odyssey made them happen. He had loved Agora too much to make it so his last moon of life was miserable. That wouldn't be fair, just because Odyssey had a penchant for adventure. SummerClan had been the first group the duo had stumbled upon, and, upon explaining the situation, they had been welcomed. Agora had lived two moons past the day they joined SummerClan. It had been four moons almost to the day that Agora had passed, then. When he dreamed of the days of his travel, he would wake up the next morning and wonder if he might as well move on and leave SummerClan. He couldn't bring himself to, though. Although he did want to adventure once again, to travel to the highest peaks and the lowest valleys, the idea of traveling alone made him shudder. At least in SummerClan, he had cats that he could talk to. He didn't have many adult friends, but the apprentices and kittens loved him, and so he contented himself with the home that Agora and he had made.
He let out a sigh, before remembering what he was doing before he got lost in the memories of his dreams the night before. Oh, right, yep, that was it. He was going to Doestar's den, because he had been told by a fellow clanmate that he had been summoned. This had surprised the tom a bit when he first was told, if he was being honest. The new leader wanted to talk to him, in particular? It felt odd, but he was sure that he was either about to be chastised for sneaking a kitten out of camp -he had asked so nicely, who was Odysseyfright to say no?- or assigned some sort of patrol or other task.
"Knock, knock," meowed the cat as he came to the entrance of the den. He was a polite tom, so he didn't peer into the den, instead stood awkwardly at the entrance and gazed into the rest of the camp until Doestar came out or called him in. "I heard you called."
Doestar had had his new name and his eight lives for precisely one day and half a night, and, truth be told, the only kind of different he felt was the fact that he was very, very tired. He didn’t feel stronger, or wiser, or braver, and he still had to remind himself not to head automatically to the warriors den or think of himself as Doefreckle. He missed his old name; it had been cute, and full of personality, and Doestar just felt so… bland. So bland and ordinary, despite the very nature of it being as far from ordinary as one could possibly get in their lifetime. He’d reached the pinnacle of measurable success – he was leader – but all he really felt was dull anxiety at the prospect of having to commit so completely to something and force himself to be someone that was all efficiency and stoicism and mind-numbing flatness. Because, yes, all he’d ever wanted was to settle down and find a place he belonged and devote himself to something or someone that mattered – but as, like, a really beloved warrior or something, not as leader. It was going to be a mess. He was going to lead his Clan to ruin. They were going to hate him. He was going to make them the laughingstock of the mountains. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t going to do it. He was going to resign. Didn’t have a deputy yet? Had completely disregarded the age-old custom of appointing a new deputy before moon-high? Didn’t matter. He—
Knock, knock. Doefreckle—star—frecklestar jumped, the fur along his spine fluffing up in alarm. He glanced to the entrance of his den – which, really, felt far too cold and empty and lonely; like, where were the flower decorations? Where was Chimerastar to make it feel less isolated? He wondered vaguely if he could get away with sneaking the WaterClan leader into camp – and peered against the light. Oh. He’d completely forgotten he’d summoned the warrior. Why had he done it? He had no clue – it had just felt like a leaderly thing to do in the moment, ordering cats to his den for meetings about important political things like… trespassing and… rabid weasels – and now he’d just have to make up some reason. It was fine. It would be fine.
This is not going to be fine.
Shut up, it’s gonna be fine.
Sucking in a shallow breath, he padded over to greet the other tom, stepping into the warm sunshine outside that was so lovely compared to the shadows inside his den, and— “I wasn’t hiding,” he blurted out. Startled by his own words, Doestar started at Odysseyfright for a long moment, eyes wide and panicked, before forcing a grin and a breathless laugh. “In case you were wondering. I wasn’t. Uh— yes! Odysseyfright! Hello! Welcome to… my den. Please, have a seat.” He gestured with his good paw to the sunny earth before glancing back at his den and leaning in closer, whispering, “please don’t make me go back in there, it’s gloomy and full of… expectations.” He pretended to shudder, his grin relaxing into something more genuine as he collapsed on the warm, sunbaked-earth and crossed one forepaw over the other. His tail-tip tapped against the ground, rhythmic and gentle. “So, this isn’t really an official meeting, I’m just trying to get to know my warriors a little better. I mean, I know I only arrived in SummerClan recently and I don’t want anyone to feel like I’ve trodden on any toes by becoming leader so quickly, y'know?” Leaders didn't say y'know. "I mean, you know."
Odysseyfright was slightly unnerved by the prolonged moment in which he had been stared at. It was the first time that another cat looked at him, really looked at him, in a very long time. He wasn't sure how to feel about it. On one hand, it made a part of him nervous that a leader had looked at him in such a way. Had he outstayed his welcome? Was that the message that he was meeting Doestar to attain? He didn't want to admit that that was a possibility. On the other hand, it made him suddenly aware of how lonely the last few moons had been. Sure, he had interacted with others, but did those others really see him? He had yet to really make friends in the group, at least not among cats his age. He really needed to get on that if he was going to make it in SummerClan. He needed a reason to be here.
All of the internal monologuing about what being looked at and what being called upon meant came to a quick halt when Doestar actually spoke. The tom found himself actually laughing at the tom's sudden declaration that he wasn't hiding. "I didn't really think that you were, but I mean, wouldn't blame 'ya honestly. Between you and me, Speckledkit put another spider in Pebblefur's nest, and wow am I glad that that isn't my job to deal with." He knew that if Doestar actually checked up on that little factoid, Speckledkit would probably tell the leader pretty quickly that Odysseyfright had encouraged it, but, he'd deal with that later.
The tom moved quickly into the leader's den, offering his looped half-grin. "Expectations are the worst, ya'know," he then purred in response to his second sentence, very purposefully using the term ya'know. Odysseyfright wasn't the kind of cat that would give a single rat's tail on if Doestar used proper leaderly language or not. To him, proper leaderly language was pretty stuffy. He wouldn't dare say that to Doestar, though, at least not out loud. Instead, he would give subtle cues to let the tom know that if he wanted to let his guard down, he could.
"Outta all cats, Mr. Doestar, that you could have picked to make sure you weren't stepping on any toes, I'm honored albeit surprised that it was me." His voice was slightly teasing as he bowed slightly, before sitting down next to him. "Is it because we're both not SummerClan born? I bet that's why ya picked me. Are we forming some outsider garage band?" What was a garage? What was a band? He didn't know the answer to either of those questions, but in his travels he'd heard it used once or twice.
Doestar hummed a laugh at the other tom’s story of the kit and the spider, offering a smile that he hoped looked more warm than leaderly; he didn’t want to seem like some distant figure that was out of touch with his Clan, like some greater-than cat that smiled at things because it was simply the done thing. He wanted to seem... genuine. And, in his panic about wanting to be approachable and normal, he was terrified that he’d accidentally ended up looking uninterested and aloof and, worse than anything, patronising. He forced the smile wider, flicking his tail-tip and resting his cheek on his forepaws with his head still turned towards the warrior. Every movement felt stiff and artificial, like he’d forgotten how to move.
“Did she?” he purred, another laugh rumbling in his throat. “Bless her. I heard you also snuck a kit out of camp — I’m not mad, don’t worry, I did the same thing within a few days of arriving here. How can you say no to those faces? Honestly, if I could spend my whole life just around kits, I think I’d be happier than anything.” He suddenly looked horrified by what he’d said, snapping his head up and adding, “not that I don’t, y’know — you know — love being with my warriors. Well, not my warriors, but, uh, warriors. Any warriors. Not... not enemy warriors, no matter what rumours you might have heard, just...” He laughed and raised his eyes to the sky, letting out a sigh. “Sorry, I’m a complete mess. You should have seen me when I got my lives — I bawled. Actually bawled. Total mess.”
He smiled as Odysseyfright continued, feeling himself relaxing and his skin warming like he was beginning to thaw after a cold night in the woods. Mr. Doestar. He huffed a laugh and bowed his head, feeling the tips of his ears heating up. “I can’t believe you’ve worked out my plan,” he replied with a sheepish smile, then shook his head and let out a breath. “No, I... well, I suppose it might have something to do with us both being... outsiders. Yes. Um.” He frowned to himself and licked his lips, gaze locked on the warm dust of the clearing for a moment before he flicked it back up to the other tom. “Do you want to go for a walk? I’m starting to go a bit stir crazy, y’know, being locked up in this camp all day. Not that it isn’t a lovely camp, uh— but... do you wanna? I’d like to hear a little more about your life before SummerClan. You can say no,” he added quickly, sliding one paw through the dust towards the warrior like he was going to stop him. “I won’t be mad. Y’know, just ‘cause I’m leader, you don’t have to be my friend or anything. Unless you want to. Be friends. Ha.” He forced a wide, beaming smile, like he was auditioning for some role he hadn’t realised he’d wanted until that moment.
Embarassment flickered in his gaze. He'd have to march over to the kittens as soon as this was done and see which one of them was snitching on him. The very thought made him smile softly to himself, as if he forgot that uh it was probably not the most ideal to have a leader call him out for his bad behavior. "Well, yeah, I just..." His voice trailed off, before he heard the leader continue on. Suddenly, relief flashed in his gaze. "Right? They're so small and squishy and they have such big eyes. Who thought it a good idea to give them such big pleading eyes?" He let out a purr, his tail flicking. "Don't worry, I would too. Seeing the world from their eyes... god, reminds me of the good ol' days." It was then his turn to back track. "Not that these days aren't the good ol' days. I love it here!" This meow came out a little too forced, and the tom's face fell for just a moment. "Just, you know, the good ol' days of youth before it became a waiting game for when my first grey was going to come in." He shuddered at the thought. Although he wasn't a superficial tom, the very idea that one day he'd go grey was a sad one.
Sorry, I'm a complete mess. The words floated through the air as the Doestar spoke, and he felt his lips twitch into a smile. "The best of us are, Mr. Doestar. If we're being real with each other, I probably would have too. I mean, if StarClan even let me get lives, that is. Which, ya know, fifty fifty shot." He shrugged. Luckily for him, he'd probably never have to deal with the thought of it. "I know you're not really supposed to talk about it, right, but was it as rad as they all say it is? Well, you know, other than the bawling. That's probably not that rad." He offered a wink to the other tom. This was their first interaction together, but already Odysseyfright could see the two becoming friends probably.
When he talked about Odyssey figuring out his plan, the looped grin on his face became that much wider. "What can I say? I'm a genius, an absolute intellectual god." The laugh that exited his lips after he spoke made it clear that that was completely a joke. He wasn't a cat who was actually full of himself, but he was a cat to make jokes as if he was. When Doestar continued to talk, the tom felt something warm inside him. A piece of him that had been cold since he let Agora go, one that had been so lonely for so long. Was this what feeling at least a little bit connected felt like? It had been so long since he had a real conversation with someone who was more than half of his age... It felt... nice.
"You want to be my friend?" he teased gently. "Is that what you're trying to say? That's a mighty tall ask, Mr. Doestar, but I think we could probably work something out." He offered another wink, before rising to his paws. "And between you and me, I'd never turn down a good walk and a chance to tell some stories. Let me just warn you, though, new best friend, I'm not used to talking about my before-SummerClan life to anyone who is over... let's say... nine months old, so ya gotta bare with me a bit, hmm?"
God I'm sorry but Od really about to be out here calling him Mr. Doestar for his whole life sorry i odn't make the rules i just enforce them
[ PLEASE keep doing it, it’s the cutest thing in the WORLD. i just imagine od with a gentle southern accent and i’m completely in love with him ]
Doestar watched the other tom with a gentle gaze full of growing adoration as he kept talking — about big eyes and squishy faces and the sick waiting game of life. It wasn’t something he often liked to think about; he spent his days dangerously in the present, thinking of the past only long enough to feel guilty and ill with nostalgia and regret for the briefest of moments before he blocked it all out behind a tight-stitched wall of sunflowers and forget-me-nots. You have to think of the future, is what his mother used to say, and then his mentor, and then his brother; and he still wasn’t entirely sure if his staunch disinterest in what was to come stemmed from immaturity or terror. He didn’t want to think about cats dying, about getting old and losing everyone before he eventually lost himself; he didn’t want to daydream about settling down in sunny meadows with a family, because he was never going to have one. He was only good for one-night-stands and bad tempers.
Was it as rad as they all say it is? Doestar smiled shyly and looked down, shuffling one paw through the dust and drawing vague pictures of flowers. “I didn’t... I didn’t see my ancestors,” he murmured after a long moment, forcing a soft smile around the aching of the confession. He flicked his eyes up for a moment before glancing back down. “It wasn’t that kind of a ceremony. Ravenstar gave her lives to me. I wasn’t... I didn’t...” He smiled again, huffing a frail little laugh and drawing a swirl with the toes of his forepaw. “They weren’t there. Not because they didn’t want to be — I don’t know if they did. Just because it was... easier. For me. Not to, uh, not to know, you know. If they would come or not.” Forcing a more cheerful voice, he looked up and added, “but the ceremony was pretty rad, yeah. It hurt — a lot — like a thousand suns burning under your skin; but Ravenstar was there through it all, and I think it’s quite a bit warmer getting lives from someone still living than from a ghost, y’know?” He smiled for a moment longer before it faded to something thin and helpless. “Please don’t tell anyone else,” he murmured quietly. “It’s not something I want the Clan to know. After all they’ve been through, they deserve some sort of peace. I just want to give them that.”
He suddenly burst into laughter and pushed himself to his paws, shaking dust from his pelt and stumbling a little as he put too much weight onto his fractured foreleg. “Whoo, that got heavy!” he purred, limping into the full sunshine and flicking Odysseyfright on the nose with his tail tip as he passed. You want to be my friend? Is that what you’re trying to say? He rolled his eyes fondly. “Oh, you’re such a clever one, aren’t you? Yes, pretty boy, I wanna be your friend.” He realised what he’d said a moment too late and froze for a heartbeat, one paw still in the air and smile still stuck on his face, rather an odd look when paired with his suddenly huge eyes. Letting out a nervous laugh, he padded on towards the camp entrance, trying to focus on the warmth of the sunlight while his skin crawled self-consciously. It wasn’t only that he didn’t want to seem to his Clan like an amoral, irresponsible leader who had flings with anyone who called him a nice name; it was also that, since meeting Chimerastar, and for the first time in his life, he hadn’t felt any of the things he used to feel when he saw handsome toms. He hardly even noticed their looks anymore, and felt little to no urge to act on them. He was starting to worry that he was getting sick. “Sorry. Old habit. Uh, yes! No! That’s okay! I’m the proud owner of the maturity of an apprentice so I’m sure I’ll love your stories.” He glanced back at the other tom with a tilted head and a dazzling smile and slipped out of camp ahead of him.
Odysseyfright had never been the kind of cat to consider the future much. Perhaps this was one of the reasons that things tended to take him off guard. After all, he never was prepared. He never had a back up plan. He never had an idea of what tomorrow was going to hold. Some, though, would think this a gift. It meant that he was consistantly, authentically rooted in the present. It meant he could experience all of the things that others took for granted as they worried: the way the breeze ruffled his pelt, the soft call of birds in the morning, the smell of the flowers the day they bloomed. And it was behavior that helped him, at least somewhat. It kept him rooted in the present, which meant that he spent little if any time wondering how it would feel like to grow old alone, didn't have to face the fact that he, too, would one day grow old and die. Rooted in the moment, he didn't have to wonder about impermanence or fantasize about what was in store for his life next. He had to worry about the present, and the present only. Of course, some would argue that this was immaturity. That he ran from both what happened yesterday and what would happen tomorrow. There was an ounce of truth in such assertions, and his obsession with staying rooted in the now was not always the best. However, it was all that he could do to stay afloat in this world. Could anyone ask him for more?
Didn't see his anscestors? The thought crossed his mind slowly, as if trying to sift through mollasses as it tried to form. He didn't know much about what happened when someone gained their lives, but, well, wasn't that weird? It was easier that way. A pang of sorrow passed through his gut and his smile dropped for a milisecond. What a sad life it was to wonder if those who were supposed to ordain your leadership would come, or if they would all decide as one to boycott your special day. "They would have come," he assured the leader, "I know they would have." He wouldn't have an answer if Doestar was to ask him how he knew, but he'd probably smile and ruffle the leader's shoudler and say Sometimes, the gut just knows. He then listened to the rest of his story. If it truly hurt that badly, was it worth it? He blinked that thought away. Of course it was worth it, if you loved your clan enough.
"Rad indeed that you got them from Ravenstar. I'm sure that was a special moment, ya?" He hadn't really ever known the former leader, at least not personally, but from what he could understand, the two had some sort of bond. If you were going to receive lives from anyone, it was probably best to received them from cats that you trusted, and from what he had guessed, the two had shared some sort of connection. Why else would Ravenstar choose an outsider?
He paused for a moment when Doestar gave his request. It was naive of him to not realize until that exact moment how open and vulnerable the leader had been with him. He didn't have to tell him, and by telling him, he put himself at risk. His grin came back, and he nudged the other tom's shoulder gently. "My lips are zipped, Mr. Doestar. Lives? What lives?" he meowed in response, blinking his wide hazel eyes. "Your secret's safe with me, doc." Affection and respect fought for dominance in his tone. In their brief interaction so far, Odysseyfright could feel himself befriending the leader.
When Doestar flicked him, Odysseyflight let out a purr of amusement? "I'm a pretty boy! Why, I never. You better take me out to dinner first if you're tryin' ta woo me with your words and be that kinda friend, Mr. Doestar." He winked at the other cat. He was joking, and wanted to make sure that Doestar knew he wasn't trying to come onto him. "Welp, that settles it, then. We're friends now. And, just so you know, there's a no return policy on my friendship, so you're stuck with me." He had a little bit of deija vu pang through him. He'd told another cat a very similar thing, all those moons ago... He blinked quickly, though pushing those thoughts aside.
He followed closley behind, offering a chuckle. "Well, that's good. You'll need it," he teased, before offering a shrug. "What is it exactly that ya wanna know? I'm an open book, so long as you keep it PG," he meowed with another wink.
[yes in my head he talks rather slowly and drawls all the time we stan]
They would have come. I know they would have. Doestar played the words over and over in his head as he padded aimlessly through the thin spattering of trees outside the camp to the beginning of the wildflower meadow beyond. He smiled softly to himself; it was a little surprising, how warm and comforting such a simple reassurance could be. So absorbed in his own thoughts and the growing warmth spreading through him slowly like dawn light over the flowers, he only caught the last snippet of what Odysseyfright was saying - I'm an open book, so long as you keep it PG - and completely missed anything about wooing him and those kinds of friends. "You, uh... Were you a loner?" he asked after a moment, turning his head to look at the other tom. "I only ask because I've heard that you didn't come to SummerClan alone. There was someone else with you."
As he was speaking, they padded out from the shade of the trees and into the warmth of the full sun and the ear-high grass. Cicadas buzzed all around them. He suddenly felt restless, like he wanted to run as fast as he could, climb every fallen tree, play like a kit, learn how to swim; it was the first time he'd felt that burst of energy since becoming leader and he forgot for a moment that he couldn't do those things anymore, not with his leg in the state it was. It had been a little better, once upon a time; still crooked, and still lame, but better. A handsome bengal with a false name and a love for medicine had made quick work of that. Now, it was as good as useless. His stomach still tightened with fear and nausea at the memory of his time at Reedshadow's mercy in that little clearing at the edge of EarthClan. He tucked the memory back down amidst the earth and flowers and buried it with sunlight. And suddenly, he realised that he wanted to be selfish, and he wanted to be young, and he didn't want to talk about sad things. He wanted to be the cat he had been two weeks ago, back when he had been just Doefreckle. "Actually, I'm sorry," he interrupted before Odysseyfright had managed to get a word in, stepping closer and offering a smile that was all cheerful carelessness and boyish charm; in a heartbeat, he had transformed from anxious, weary leader to the bubbly, reckless deputy he'd been the first time he'd wandered into Chimerastar's camp. "I just... I don't wanna waste this day talking about things that might hurt us. Does that sound terrible? Probably. I just... I've had a rubbish week, to tell you the truth, and I wanna just... forget I'm leader for a bit. Is that weird? Do you mind? You can say yes. And it's about to get weirder — are you ready?"
He took in a deep breath and pretended to shake himself out, letting out a breathy laugh. "Would you... mind terribly... if... you didn't call me, y'know, my name? Can I just be Doefreckle again for the day? And I'm not— I don't wanna be your leader. Just for today. Is that okay? I always just feel like there's a, y'know, script I have to follow and then my head gets all— whoo! Y'know?" He already felt more free, like he could bounce around and smile and act like an apprentice let out of camp for the first time again. And, standing there now, he was suddenly overwhelmed by affection for the other tom: this was because of him. Like he'd been playing a part on a stage these past two weeks and now he could be himself. He was there, and Doestar— Doefreckle felt like he could breathe. There was something calming about him, something honest and kind and real, and he loved it madly. He grinned at Odysseyfright, eyes sparkling and full of hope, and nudged him playfully with his nose. "Is that okay?"
He winced slightly when he brought up his companion. Agora had been his first friend, his companion, his love. He was the one that convinced Odysseyfright that the only thing that they could do was join SummerClan, that that was the best course of action for the duo. It had been moons, but the thoughts of him were still raw around the edges. He had once been told he would never forget his first love, and so far, that had been true. He couldn't forget the hazel eyed tom, no matter how hard he tried. He opened his mouth to confirm this, before he heard Doestar speak again. Confusion and relief fought for dominance in his gaze. It wasn't that his past was a secret, but there was pain in the memories.
"Okay," he meowed, tilting his head slightly. "It doesn't sound terrible. We all cope in our own ways," he then continued. Should he be worried about what the leader was about to say? There was a part of him that assumed the answer to that question was yes, indeed, he should. There was a part of him that demanded he be concerned for the leader; something was obviously wrong. But, if playing pretend for an afternoon, renouncing dutieis for a few hours, was enough to make things okay for Doe...freckle, then Odysseyfright knew he could play along.
"Mister Doefreckle it is," he then meowed with a dip of his head. "Pleased to make your aquaintance, Mr. Doefreckle." The smile he gave the tom was wide and slightly off kilter, like most things about Odysseyfright were. "If you ever need someone to not follow a script with, I'm probably around somewhere teaching the apprentices to swim or telling kittens about the wild west. Point is, you can find me, and I don't need you to put up a front when ya interact with me ever, okay? Even after this afternoon, when you go back to -star, don't feel like ya've gotta be inauthentic. Some cats? They put those above them on pedastools. Me? I think it's exhausting, for both you and me." He shrugged casually. He then let his gaze wander. Was that little speech too much? Probably. Did he regret it? No.
"Whatchya got in mind for a forget-I'm-the-leader adventure?" he then meowed. Did Doe...freckle have a plan, or did he just want to contemplate the weight being lifted from his shoulders?
Doefreckle grinned, positively beaming, and was about to shoot back a quip — something like see, you say you’re gonna treat me like a warrior and then you go and bow to me! or just a simple wrinkle of his nose at the mention of teaching kits to swim — until Od continued. The smile faded and softened into something small and genuine and thankful. When you go back to -star; the thought was daunting and cold and he pushed it aside, huffing a mirthless little laugh. At the end of his speech, he smiled and touched his tail to the other tom’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he murmured gently, blinking at him softly.
Immediately, he was back to his bubbly self. He snapped up and looked around, grinning like an excited kit. “Well! We cooooould... Ooh! We could go to the waterfall? Have deep conversations, gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes, you can tell me about the good parts of your adventures like if you ever saw any ghosts — it’ll be good!” He didn’t mention that a good part of his wanting to wander that far north was the chance of catching the scent of WaterClan on the breeze. Like, a very good part. Most of the reason, actually. But also the waterfall was pretty, and Odysseyfright was lovely company, and Doefreckle was eternally restless.
"Anytime, kiddo," he meowed with a shrug. Although that might have been a large ask for some cats, it really wasn't for him. There was no reason for him to think or act any other way, especially if Doestar needed a friend. He ooked away for a moment. He wasn't un-used to strange requests, and being an emotional support for others, or really just doing whatever he thought could make other's happy. He had a youthful air to him, yes, but his youthfulness didn't combat the fact that the tom's heart was large and he wanted to be anything other's needed of him. This was not always a positive trait, it seemed, as some were quick to take advantage of the tom. He trusted that Doestar wouldn't, though.
He smirked at the tom suddenly, his tail twitching. "You really are just going to keep on flirtin' with me, aren't you?" he teased gently. "The waterfall sounds like a plan. I saw how your eyes changed at the mention of teaching kits to swim. Does that mean that waterfall diving is off of the table?" The seriousness of his monologue before was gone, and Odysseyfright was back and better than ever. "Now that would be a good time, crossin' another thing off the bucket list. Oh well, I'll just have to find another hot tom to take a dip with," he winked, before nodding. "Lead the way, Mr. Doefreckle."
“I’m not flirting,” Doefreckle replied sheepishly, casting him a soft, boyish smile that was all shy eyes and blush-red ear tips. “This is just... how I am. God, I’ve had some uncomfortable situations with she-cats before. I’ve said something, or done something, I dunno, and they’ve... y’know, gotten a crush on me and suddenly they wanna have my kits and move in together and I’m like...” He let out a nervous, choked laugh and raised his eyes to the sky for a moment. “Ha—yeah—no, sorry, I’m not really... into... you lot. You lovely, wonderful lot.” He laughed again, softer this time. “I suppose I’m just so dreadfully irresistible.” You're a mess. A disgusting, pathetic, absolutely awful mess. No wonder they hurt you. Funk’s words echoed in his ear. He pushed them away and forced a smile, letting out a happy little sigh.
Oh well, I’ll just have to find another hot tom to take a dip with. Doefreckle let out a laugh, shooting Od a mock-disapproving smile. “Lucky I’m not leader, ey? I don’t think it’s entirely respectful to call one’s superior hot.” He grinned and butted his forehead lightly against Od’s shoulder, letting out a purr. “No, well, uh— I can try... waterfall diving... but I very well might drown. You gonna help me? Be my brave, handsome sav—sorry, it just slips out! Ugh!” He let out another bubbly laugh, eyes lighter than they’d been for weeks. He led the way towards the ridge where the waterfall lay, through a pretty, sunlit birch forest, the sunshine watery and soft against the tall grass and the thin, pale trunks, and up and down little hills dotted with fallen tree trunks overgrown with flowers and small clumps of yellow-specked gorse. Birdsong filled the air, sleepy and faint and gentle.
He raised his brown. "You're not flirting and my name isn't Odysseyfright," he purred in response, nudging the other cat's shoulder. Honestly, he didn't mind. It had been quite a while since he had been able to find someone to have a quick banter with him, even though Od didn't seem to be the most quick on his wit. "If it makes you feel better, I promise I won't suddenly want to have your kits and move in together. Scout's honor." He let out another purr. "I can see why that would be... rather tricky though," he meowed with a shudder. Although he could see himself adopting fifty two kittens because he had no self control, the idea of having a girlfriend who had his kits was... daunting. Not his cuppa. He grinned at the tom at his next phrase: I'm just so dreadfully irresistible. "Is that what they call that these days? Irresistible?" He let out a chuckle. "I'll have to keep that in mind," he continued, then offering a wink. One of these days, his good nature would get him in trouble, when he said something like that to a cat who was a little less friendly. But, until that day, and probably after that day, it was yet another lesson the tom would one day need to learn.
"Hey, man, look. Ya can't just go around trying to make me swoon and then get on my tail about returning the favor," he mewed with mock irritation. He couldn't keep the facade on for long, though, and found himself laughing by the time he got to the word about. "If I can't imply that you're hot, can't be a good bro, do ya at least have an alternative for me to call ya?" That was probably yet another question you probably shouldn't ask a superior, but hey, he was just playing Doefreckle's game, right?
Delight then took over his gaze. "You will?" he squeaked in excitement, his paws now tapping in happiness between each step. "Wow, who woulda thunk I'd finally get to cross it off my list of things to do before I kick the bucket. Agora always told me I'd break my neck if I tried, so I never got to." It probably wasn't that good of an idea to admit to another novice at cliff jumping that he himself had never done it, but hey, Odysseyfright learned fast. "Of course I'll be your big handsome savior. The clan might not take it so kindly if I let you swim with the fishes too long." He followed the tom quickly, excitement bursting in his chest. "Oh, I"m just so excited. Have you ever seen someone jump off a waterfall? They look like their flying. Have you ever felt what it feels like to fly, to be suspended in the air like the stars are suspended in the night sky? Wow, I can only imagine the thrill," he chattered, now completely unable to stop himself from being an absolute dork. How in StarClan's name did that work? He hadn't expected it to work.
I promise I won’t suddenly want to have your kits and move in together. Doefreckle hummed a mock-disbelieving laugh and raised his brows sceptically, clicking his tongue. “You say that now,” he teased dryly. He smiled as Od went on, rolling his eyes fondly and feeling another blush creep up to his ear-tips. His looks had never been a particular insecurity of his, but now, under such close scrutiny, he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious and lacking; he had his twisted forepaw, and his nose was too pink, and his ears were a little too large for such a small frame — he was flawed. “I’m not tryna make you swoon,” he shot back with a warm grin, feigning exasperation, “it’s not my fault you just have poor taste.”
He grinned at Od’s excited chatter, watching the tom with soft eyes and enjoying his happiness; he loved to see others full of life, loved to see them excited and cheerful and careless. It was the thing that made him happiest, far more than his own joy. That was something he had long since accepted would never happen, though hope, he had always found, was a painfully, wonderfully hard thing to kill. For a moment, he wanted to ask who Agora was, but he could guess, and he didn’t want to ruin Od’s adorable, dorky mood with sadness. “No, I’ve never felt it,” he laughed, “but now you’ve got me excited.” Doefreckle had always been a thrill seeker, a reckless, dangerous adventurer who craved pain as much as he longed for happiness; he had all the scars and breaks to prove it. Since becoming leader, though, that part had been slowly becoming more and more repressed beneath all that he thought he ought to be. The way Od was talking now, painting such a beautiful picture with such pretty words, reminded him for a moment of Funk; he pushed the thought and the wave of sickness aside.
“I did fall of the roof of a twoleg nest once, though,” he went on with a bubbly little laugh, “didn’t feel very much like flying.” He grinned at Od before nudging him with his shoulder and trotting ahead to the edge of the treeline and the waterfall beyond, his gait limping and uneven. “C’mon, then! Hurry up, we’re losing daylight and I’m losing my nerve!”
"Awfully bold of you to think that I'd defy scout's honor for you," he replied cheekily. A moon from now, he'd probably look back at that sentence and cringe. Hell, probably ten minutes from now he would. But, for the moment at hand, he was happy. He then narrowed his eyes at the other tom playfully. "My dear Mr. Doefreckle, from what I hear, your taste isn't the best either, buddy. But, hey, if this is the hill we die on, proving we have poor taste in men, I suppose there are worse hills." He nudged his friend playfully, his crooked grin clear as day on his face. There probably weren't too many worse hills to die on, but the idea that there were made him feel better, and he hoped it would do the same for Doestar.
"Okay, there's a story there, and I demand to hear it," the tom meowed after the other cat said he fell off the roof of a two-leg nest. "Out of all of my days, I've never managed that one, and I've been n plenty of roof-tops. They're the best place to watch the sunrise, I've heard. Nice and high, perfect spot to watch all the stars slowly blink out, their lights replaced by the sun..." He meowed wistfully, thinking of the last time he'd watched dawn break from such a great height.
He then let out a purr when Doefreckle told him to hurry up. Suddenly, the tom's energy released, and he shot forward. He wasn't going to give up his chance, now. "Last one there's a rotten egg," he whispered quietly, "and since you're just Doefreckle right now, don't think I'll go easy on you." Really, he would, because he wasn't sure if his companion could race with the state of his leg. But, he didn't have to let him know that.
With that, the tom took off towards the waterfall. Sometimes, when he ran, he also felt like he was flying. Jumping off of the cliff, suspended in air, a chill ran down his spine. It would feel incredible.
From what I hear, your taste isn’t the best either. He’d been smiling along cheerily, all soft purrs and gentle affection; now, he stopped, his smile slowly fading into a small frown, and gazed quietly after Od until he stopped as well and turned back. He wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, wanted to laugh it off and tell himself it was nothing, just idle teasing, but the words stuck in his heart, and they stung, and he couldn’t shake the the dull spark of anger that flooded through his gut.
“What you’ve heard?” he echoed quietly, offering a weak smile that faltered a heartbeat later. His eyes were dark and hurt. With his new forbidden relationship with Chimerastar, and with the fact that he hadn’t yet left the agreed marigold at the gathering place to say he was ready to meet again and Doefreckle was growing more and more insecure and worried and sorrowful, he was particularly touchy about aspersions cast over his personal life. He lived his whole life on a knife edge and he was as terrified as he was thrilled at the thought of one day slipping from it and cutting himself and everyone he loved on the way down. “What do you mean, what you’ve heard? You think it’s your place to... to pass judgement on me? Bad taste in men — oh, yes, it’s something to laugh about, isn’t it? You know, one time I was held prisoner for half a moon, out of my mind on medicine, physically abused and broken down so completely that my mental health still hasn’t quite recovered and my self-esteem might as well not exist at all. Another time, hah, I told a loner I loved him on the night of my warrior ceremony — broke the vow of silence to do this, mind you, abandoned my brother in camp — and had my leg broken for my troubles.” Suddenly, he was Doestar again, and he realised for the first time that there truly was a difference between who he was as a simple warrior and who he was as leader. “So perhaps it’s unwise to gossip about the love life of your leader, even if you do consider him your friend.”
He stared Odysseyfright for a moment longer, gaze hard, before he let out a breath and his expression — his whole body, really — softened. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, shaking his head and sitting back with his shoulders hunched and his head bowed. “I’ve ruined our day. I’m just...” He exhaled quietly and glanced up, offering a small, fragile smile and gazing at the warrior with soft, sad eyes. He stood up and closed the distance between them, nudging Od’s shoulder gently with his nose and looking up at him pleadingly through his lashes. “Forgive me.”
Odysseyfright found himself skidding to a stop. His stomach dropped a bit as he heard the leader's tone change. He felt his pelt grow warm, and all hints of a grin that had been on his face only moments before dropped. His eyes went completely blank, something that was rare. You messed this one up, didn't you? mused the voice in his head. It was ever so cruel. You finally made a friend, and within a matter of minutes, you managed to mess it up this badly. How par for the course, Odysseyfright. Normally, he would be able to bounce back. Offer a quick apology with a dip of his head. A boyish grin with a promise that it would never happen again. However, a chord had been struck, and the life quickly drained from his step, and he just stared forward, not quite at Doestar, not away from him.
Those who were more familiar with the tom would understand this was not necessarily uncommon, per say. Although he was often happy go lucky, seemed to wear his heart on his shoulder, there were times when this was not the case. Often times, they were only brief moments when the pain that settled in his chest came to the surface. Just small lapses, where the tom lost control for just a moment. He would go completely emotionless for a moment, before twitching his face back into its normal animation.
It didn't seem, though, that this would be one of those times. As much as he wanted to snap back, as he gazed just past Doestar, the tom's eyes only grew more and more distant. The leader's response had been enough to send him afloat in the island of his mind. You deserved everything he said, the voice called. You deserve it and more. Who do you think you are? Do you forget that you are no one? The voice in his head took many forms. Sometimes, it was soft, the voice of his sister. Candy had always been the sickly sweet one, so her words were always laced in sugar. Other times it was harder, the voice of his father. This voice that had reminded him that he ran away from his life, ran away from his family, because he was disloyal. It had been this voice that had prompted him to run, run further and harder, escape the world before its weight pressed too hard on him. This afternoon, it was neither of the typical perpetrators. It was the flint cold voice of disappointment that he knew only too well. The one that told him that he needed to grow up. That the world was not meant for those who were soft, and that his softness would be his downfall. It was the voice of his companion, his traveling partner, his love. There's no way that you can come back from this. Did you expect the world would continue to be handed to you? We came here to fix you, and sometimes, Odysseyfright, it seems you are unfixable. Agora had tried so hard to fix Odyssey. Through their travels together, it had always been Agora who tried so desperately to make Odysseyfright realize that boyish innocence was not a desirable quality. It made him weak. The fact that the voice in his head took the form of the white cat, then, was just that much harder.
The tom's touch broke the moment, tore the tom from the place in his head that he had disappeared into. His whole body twitched in response, the kind of spasm one might expect a fish would have if it was left on the shore to die. His eyelids began to open and shut rapidly as he tried to come back to the space he and Doestar inhabitted. It took him a moment too long, and even when his lips twitched into an apologetic smile, his eyes remained distant. How could a cat be so close, but look like he was so far away?
"No... no. No... no need to apologize. It was... my fault. I was wrong..." His voice was just as distant. "But, I... I should probably go." He tried to force a laugh. "I forgot that I promised I would... bring Restlessbird a rabbit..." The pauses in his words were unnatural. The tom, who had only moments ago been chattering, had been reduced to stumbling over words. "I'd better... get to it." He tried to smile before he took a few steps towards the camp.
i apologize i'm in a sad boi mood and the other day i decided my boy has depression and that's why he's so happy go lucky LOL
Doestar flinched back at the warrior’s reaction to his touch, taking a hesitant step backwards and watching him with a soft, worried frown. When he started to babble some lame excuse about rabbits, his frown deepened, and when he tried to move past him towards the camp, Doestar cut in front of him, blocking his way. “We’re not done,” he replied firmly, putting on his leader voice and staring him down with as much disapproving authority as he could muster — because he didn’t know what had gone wrong, and he didn’t know if Odysseyfright needed softness or orders right now, and he was scared.
His voice softened and he stepped forward, touching his nose to his friend’s chin and gently forcing his head up to look at him. “I’m not mad. I was, but it was just... a bad moment. I need you, Od. I need to have a good day and go to the waterfall and spend time with you. So, I’m sorry, but as your leader, and as your best friend at this moment, you’re not going anywhere, like it or not. That’s an order.” He smiled teasingly but his eyes were anxious. “I need you, Od,” he murmured after a moment, honest and gentle and real as he searched his face. He rested his forehead against his friend’s and let out a soft, quiet purr, all sorrow and apologies. “Please don’t go.”
